I've decided to take a twist on what I normally do because I feel this week I've experienced something that not everyone gets to in their lives. I experienced the successful results of hope. I've learned in my life that hope doesn't ever seem to help me, it just makes horrid news prolonged and puts the grief on a pedestal. But this week I've been given the news that my aunt Hilda has the all clear from Cancer, and I knew reading this your just thinking "wow thats great news" and then go on with your day, but You don't understand just how great it is because it's given me a new look on life. She herself has given me a new lease of life and not by being cured but because she had to face cancer head on and chose to say "fuck it I'm not going anywhere"
A little background as to why my aunts so special to me. Last year my life quite literally came to a full stop, I had decided to give up school I had practically said goodbye to those closest to me in want of a better word. I remember in the car with my sister we were driving out to my aunty Mary's house and Pam asked, what can I do? please just tell me and I'll do it" but I just couldn't find a reason to get out of bed any more and I told my sister in three short life defining words that "I give up" we were silent for the rest of the drive and I found my self sitting in my aunt Mary's house having tea and looking out the window to see Hilda driving in I hadn't seen her since my nana was sick and we both minded her. I ran out as soon as I saw her and almost picked her up she was so thin and weak. When we got inside I was expecting to just have a cup of tea laugh and joke talk about school, you know the usual conversations one has with their family, but Hilda took my hand and brought me down to the bottom bedroom and said that when she hugged me she could feel something was wrong that my eyes were different and she could sense it that there was something on my shoulder. I'm known to be an actress so lying and putting on a show is as easy as breathing for me. She. just. knew. When I tried to brush it off she told me to cut the bullshit to look her in the eyes and for once instead of talking a lot to just say something, I don't know if you understand what I'm saying or not it's hard to explain. I had told her everything, I saw the tears that I had inflicted run down her face as she tried to talk but it was hard for her because she was after an operation on her throat (where the cancer was) she told me that sometimes she doesn't see the point sometimes life isn't fair and people get sad people experience different things and its how we pick ourselves up that define who we are. She looked at me and said "I have Cancer, but you know what else I have? Family,friends and a will power to stubborn to lie down" We made a promise that day. That when I talk to her I wouldn't call her Hilda I'd call her hazel and vice versa. We would both promise to mind ourselves as if we were to mind the other, respect and love ourselves as much as we do each other, the last thing we promised each other was that when! not if When we both get better we will sit down and have a Chinese (inside joke but the meal was actually going to go ahead) . I left that day, I hugged my mam went on the train home and the next day I met the careers teacher picked a course and went to school almost every day, I'm a few months away from the leaving, I got a phone call the other day to book some reservations. :)
so show your colours 
